Becoming

For a long time I have loved this term, becoming. I have written a short story with said word as the title. I have realized this week why I love this word so much. I, for a long time, have built up walls. I know that is such a big surprise. With these walls, I have become numb and lost who I wanted, no needed to become. I took away the things that kept me grounded and replaced them with patterns of self-destruction. This week I started taking down these walls. I tire of caring what people think of me. I tire of not saying what I need to say. I want to speak my mind and be okay with that. Actually, I want to be wonderful with speaking my mind. I want to live my life and not be afraid of all of the life I have to live. I really think I can do that.
One would think, at 40, I would have become what I wanted. But, you see, I ran away from what I wanted. So now is the time for me to become. I am excited and scared all at the same time.  
Tomorrow, I embark on a new job. It should be an interesting job. I go to orientation and we shall see where things take me.
Things I am changing: Morning pages I will be writing those
                                 Watching less TV. I will put my stereo out so I can listen to music more.
                                 Movement every day, whether it is yoga, working out or dancing

Things I accomplished this week: I cleaned out from underneath our bed. It was the undertaking but I did it!
                                                  I found  a job!
                                                  I cleaned the back porch and painted the table.

Things I plan on accomplishing next week: Getting my dresser cleaned off and putting my stereo out
                                                                 Starting my new job!
                                                                  Becoming, well, at least continuing to become!