Scattered

I know things on my blog are scattered. That is my mind set right now. There is so much going on right now.
Two weddings, yes I said two. There certain things that one needs to do. Besides the relief in the second bride's face was worth it, at least for now. I have to make my dress for the first wedding. I have everything cut out, I just need to put it together. Haha I sew and curses fly out of my mouth. I should record it some time so you can see. The second wedding needs a lot of help in the planning stage. I am willing to help her. I am a sucker at times. It makes things difficult, but I love to see others happy, even if it means sacrificing myself. I know, stupid girl you come first. Years of training take some undoing.
I really want to loose weight. I need to loose weight. My body suffers everyday because of the extra weight is hauls around, my breathing labors because of it. The pain I experience in every moment of the day is due at least partially to my weight. And a vey broken part of me must think I deserve it because I keep eating and eating, not exercising. I did start taking Alli and that seems to be doing something. So I have at least taken the first step.
My job is in a state of constant flux. I work for a chemical company that also sells fiberglass products. Our profits have been falling. Whose aren't? They just let one of my coworkers go on Monday. I got serious flash backs. I have worked for 2 other companies that went out of business. I watched people go and then before I knew the doors were closed. Not sure what I will do if that happens. I guess I will burn that bridge when I come to it.
We got a new car. 2003 red impala. She is pretty. I love her. At the end of July, we are moving to a home of our, something we have never had. There has always been roomates or family. I don't want to loose this opportunity.
Then there is my dancing. Not last on my list, but it is. Only because the other things keep jumping in front of it. When I dance, I love it. Even if I am just chair dancing. I feel graceful and beautiful. Well not all the time, sometimes I feel goofy and silly, but I mean to feel that way.
And somehow through all these things I must peace. Not sure how to go about it. I know it come from within but my in is too scattered. Silly viscious circle.

Getting over it

So I saw some people tonight that I didn't really want to see, but it was bound to happen sooner or later. Our circles run too close. Some of the reactions, not mine, were a little over the top. One would think after 13 years that things could be let go, but I guess not. I was angry because it was so high school and why poeple couldn't understand that that was a different time and things were done/said that were in that moment and cannot be changed now. For the hate and anger to still be so fresh took me by suprise. And that was when I realized some people just can't get over it. What ever that it might be.
And that made me think that the next step in becoming the best I can be is letting go and getting over it. Those things in my past might be the very things that are standing in my way now. So I have to step away from what I once was in order to become what I want to be.

The economy

So everyone is afraid of what is going on in the economy. And I am scared too, don't get me wrong. I watch my customers order less and then die away and it is very hard.
I felt panicked yesterday because we just bought a car. What would we do if one of us lost their job? I woke up this morning realizing we would deal with it. Like we have with everything else in our life, we will deal and move on.
Everything happens for a reason. Cliche I know. I think what is happening in the country today is to teach us that we need to value other things. We are ever so consumed with what money can buy us, the next big thing. We don't value ourselves or those around us anymore.
Maybe it is time to re-evaluate what I find important. The things I buy don't make me happy. I make me happy. Or at least I have that potential.
So cuddle your loved one, take a walk and say hi to your neighbors, dance naked in your living room, enjoy what you have. At least some of those things are free.

Think about it

I saw this in my email today. It made me think.

To everyone of us there must come a time when the whole universe will be found to have been a dream, when we find the soul is infinitely better than the surroundings. It is only a question of time, and time is nothing in the infinite.-Sai Baba

It made me think about how I am trying to change enverything on the outside and that isn't going to help what is going on the inside. It is time to spackle the cracks of my soul. Even though they make me me. I need to heal so I can become the best person I can be.